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Jokes-Fun

Without you we are but dust

A visiting minister waxed eloquent during the offertory prayer. “Dear Lord,” he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, “without you we are but dust...”

He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening carefully for a change!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, “Mom, what is butt dust?”

Posted by Rick on 14-May-2006 at 11:19 AM
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Perfect Daughter

The birth of our second child, a daughter, came after a long
and difficult labor. But it was definitely worth it when our
beautiful little girl emerged, perfect in every way. Later,
in my room, my husband looked at her tenderly, with tears in
his eyes. Then as he glanced up at me, I expected him to utter
something truly poetic. Instead he asked, “What’d we decide
to call her again?”

Posted by Rick on 02-Mar-2006 at 03:50 PM
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I have to sleep in Daddy’s room

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was
tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the
light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will
you sleep with me tonight?”

The mother smiled. “I can’t dear,” she said. ‘I have to sleep
in Daddy’s room.”

The little boy replied with a shaking voice, “The big sissy.”

Posted by Rick on 02-Feb-2006 at 03:44 AM
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I never want to live in a vegetative state

My wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to
her, “Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative
state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. 
If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”

She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of my beer! 

Posted by Rick on 31-Jan-2006 at 06:04 PM
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Authentic Irish Toast

A guy and a girl are having a drink together in a bar. The
man raises his glass and says, “Here’s hoping you’re in
Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you’re dead!”

“What’s that mean?” asks the girl. 

“That,” answers her date, “is an authentic Irish toast.”

“Oh. Well, here’s to bread, eggs and cinnamon.”

“Bread, eggs and cinnamon? What’s that?”

The girl says, “That’s French toast.”

Posted by Rick on 20-Jan-2006 at 07:47 AM
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How come you are not married, John?

Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old friend John,
“How come you aren’t married?”

John: “I haven’t found the right woman yet.”

George: “So what are you looking for?”

John: “Oh she’s got to be real pretty, - a good cook and
house keeper, she’s got to know how to handle money, have
a nice and pleasant personality—and money, she’s got to
have money, and a nice big house wouldn’t hurt either.”

George: “A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU!”

John: “Oh, it’s okay, if she is crazy.”

Posted by Rick on 04-Jan-2006 at 11:04 AM
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Who Was Jesus REALLY…

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother .
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn’t get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Father’s business.
2. He lived at home until He was 33.
3. He was sure His mother was a virgin and His mother was sure He was God.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1. He talked with His hands.
2. He had wine with His meals.
3. He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:

1. He never cut His hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian

1. He was at peace with nature.
2. He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments the Jesus was Irish:

1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:

1. He fed a crowd at a moment’s notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn’t get it.
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was work to do.

AMEN

Posted by Rick on 04-Jan-2006 at 07:11 AM
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Need Help? Do you have a question about emotional freedom (EFT), massage therapy, or restoring optimal health? Are you in PAIN? Do you have a suggestion for a topic or article, or a success story to share? I'd love to hear from you! Please use the support request form to send me the details. Also, be sure to subscribe to our free EFT and emotional freedom coaching newsletter so we can stay in touch. —Rick Wilkes, Thriving Now, LLC